Release Date: 10/07
Overall: 6.0
Story:6
Graphics:9
Sound:7
Control:4
Expandability:5
Replay Value:5
For the second time I am finished with The Witcher. By that I mean I got fed up with this turdfest and uninstalled it. Too be fair, my reasons were different both times and this time I was faced with a space issue. Before beating it, I decided to not keep it on my hard drive. For the last 2 weeks, The Witcher has kept me stuck in what seems like an unending frustratingly hard part of the story. This is all just one of many frustrations which I will attempt to explain.
Uh, yeah, could you, uh, put our Christmas lights on the roof?
Waiting for cut-scenes... fuck, since when did they end them putting you strait into battle. I just got up to get some water and when I came back I was dead. This wouldn't be a problem if when I could just click through or escape over them but no. You have no choice but watch a wait and wait for the game. Even after you wait through them again and again without flinching, this game is hard and you die all the time. If you are angry enough, like I was you keep on trying different shit hoping it will turn out differently. At first, I thought I was dying maybe because of my lack of fighting skill, but as I learned I was just completely outmatched. There was no way through it.
You just can't get enough of me, baby.
So normally at this point in the game (after reloading countless times and waiting and dying) I would just cheat a way through the impotency of the leveling system and turn the cheats off afterward, but no. Like a "console RPG", there is no cheating. There is nothing between you and all the flaws The Witcher has to offer. My next sad step was to try a trainer. I was fortunate enough to find out that they ALL crash the game. (I tested 3 in total over 3 different releases from 2 coders) Then I noticed something on my load up screen. D'jinni Adventure Editor, worth a shot. Fucking didn't do shit. Got an error message and crashed. Why am I not surprised.
I didn't want to do this but it was finally time to load a previous save (sigh). Which I did and re-allocated some of my experience points this time to increase my attack. There are less than 40 weapons total in the entire game and they are scaled to what part of the game you are in so upgrading equipment was not an option. I followed my way through the game until I reached the point where I was before to the get same results. Maybe, I could have started a new game and allocated differently but why with all the other problems. I need my precious hard drive.
Interestingly, the last time I uninstalled this I was hampered with a hardware issue as well. It was in mid 2008, I found myself hampered by constant stutter running on my old 8600gt which was thoroughly OC'd. It was only after running into this problem I realized it was time to upgrade again. Over a year later, I blow it away with my current 9800gt with 1028MB of on-board ram. No over-clocking necessary. The only room for improvement I could see in these beautiful visual displays is some of the greenery looks cruddy but I am well pleased overall. We finally get to see the awesome RPG graphics we have been missing out on in this genre.
take....... that!
Now that we touched on a good feature of The Witcher its back to the bad. I don't want you thinking about doing something crazy like buying this elephant turd. Lets talk about the battling system. There are 3 camera modes. 2 of them are worthless in combat so to me there is only one usable camera mode. Combat can occur out of no-where so you need to be ready. The usable camera works over the shoulder which is kind of unique I thought. One interesting visual effect makes the screen move called intoxication.
The controls are tight and take time to get used to. There are 3 different combat styles. You are supposed to, as the tutorial explains, "pause the game" to change modes while you are in combat. Fun huh? One of the most frustrating things is when you attack, it somehow delays. I don't know why, it just does and it makes you want to pull your hair out when you have 2-3 opponents beating your face in. It reminds me of those old RPG's. Remember the days when you press attack and then a second later your character somehow jumped 30 feet, smacked the enemy with its weapon and then somehow back flipped to the safety of the same spot he was in to begin with? How the fuck did he do that? The Witcher uses a similar system but without the ninja jump. In fact, there is no jumping (why?)
Someone out there said this was an open world RPG. Well guess, what? Its fucking, not. Not even close. Like some kind of prisoner, you run around a designated area doing quests until you finish the plot line in that area. Then you do the same shit in the next designated area. The only open thing about this game is my jaw opening when another young girl randomly throws herself at my character. The only reason I can think of for these sluts in our storyline is to excite the interest of 13 year old boys. It's just insultingly stupid.
The controls are tight and take time to get used to. There are 3 different combat styles. You are supposed to, as the tutorial explains, "pause the game" to change modes while you are in combat. Fun huh? One of the most frustrating things is when you attack, it somehow delays. I don't know why, it just does and it makes you want to pull your hair out when you have 2-3 opponents beating your face in. It reminds me of those old RPG's. Remember the days when you press attack and then a second later your character somehow jumped 30 feet, smacked the enemy with its weapon and then somehow back flipped to the safety of the same spot he was in to begin with? How the fuck did he do that? The Witcher uses a similar system but without the ninja jump. In fact, there is no jumping (why?)
So to be clear, you pause to change to your attack style, unpause, press attack, wait, and if something doesn't hit you, you begin to attack. The combo system works on a sort of Legends Of Dragoon system (great PS1 RPG). You push down a button at a certain time to continue a combo, which is cool but you have to start to hit them to start the combo. Needless to say this dung infested combat system was a major contribution factor to un-installation the second time.
Open world? Oh the Walls, you can jump ov... shit
Someone out there said this was an open world RPG. Well guess, what? Its fucking, not. Not even close. Like some kind of prisoner, you run around a designated area doing quests until you finish the plot line in that area. Then you do the same shit in the next designated area. The only open thing about this game is my jaw opening when another young girl randomly throws herself at my character. The only reason I can think of for these sluts in our storyline is to excite the interest of 13 year old boys. It's just insultingly stupid.
Let me guess. You want my boner too?
You don't have to think about the plot to play this game. The choices you make don't really contribute much to the story though they will get you into a few battles or get you laid. The story really doesn't compare to the rich, meaningful story's of other much better games. I found myself missing the rich eccentric personalities of the NWN games (is that sad?) All the NPC's I ran into in the Witcher seem to be either shady fuckholes or just stupid fuckholes. You can take anything you find in someones house and no-one seems to give a shit, odd. I don't know what else to say about this game. It infuriates me thinking about it and I am glad I will never have to play this piece of shit again.
